Although I believe that life was always meant to be hard, still sometimes you just can’t help but feel sad about it. The thoughts that storms me at this age is just depressing. It feels like a battle of what you want to do and what you are supposed to do. You may call this heartsick absurd or even ridiculous that its plain nothing as compared to what other’s are suffering..
Yes, believe me I know.
What I feel right now may not be as extreme as what the 80% of this world is enduring.. not even close
True. I may not be fighting for survival, freedom, or any significant rights and I even agree at the low level of nothingness of what this is for the ones who are struggling way harder than I am.
But as a 21 years old and living with this matter, its difficult to say that its plain nothing. The confusional state of what one should really do with her life in order to resolve one’s perplexity; The pain of realizing that all the dreams of the past is just too rigorous to win; To shatter the ideals that inspired you to get going and finally settle with the idea of inferiority which may not be so bad but still different than what you have always wanted to do cannot be put aside and be treated as nothing and worthless. Just because its not big as compared to what others experiences, does not mean its easy and even easier to moved on to.
/late night lonely thoughts/
It may eventually disappear in time but right now, The ache is here to live the moment.