If there was something I was good at it was being inconsistent in almost everything and it’s funny cause I always see myself demand consistency from everyone else.
This paranoia makes me feel everything even the unnecessary and sometimes it kills me but what can I do? I was born conscious of everything.
I am forever conscious of how you are feeling and if something makes you feel even the tiniest bit of uneasiness I am willing to shift everything only to make sure you are better.
I am forever conscious of how I act towards you. Am I ok? Am I enough? Did I do something wrong? Why am I like this? Did I pissed you off? Was I too much? Or lacking in some ways? Will you hate me now? What can I do to make me ok? Should I do this? Or should I not? and a lot more going on through my mind ..that I wished to end.
Someday I want to be enough, feel enough and just be genuinely thankful. And be relaxed
I am forever conscious of your acts. Consistency is everything and I am sorry for demanding something I am not capable of. I love deeply but when the paranoia kicks in, the crazy unnecessary ideas and issues pops up and suddenly I am ruined.